Tantrums & Outbursts: Parenting through the Challenges
If you’re like most parents (and if we’re being honest, it’s all parents), then you’ve experienced the ups and downs of a young child’s emotions. Sometimes it seems as though the smallest, most inconsequential things can set your child off, and when the dust settles you’re left wondering, “What just happened?!” As bewildering and frustrating as these outbursts can be, we can assure you that tantrums are a completely normal part of a child’s development. Just like teething and potty-training, tantrums are a stage of development your child will grow through with your support.
Proactive Steps for Managing Tantrums
While you can’t avoid tantrums altogether - they are a valuable communication and learning tool for kids, after all! - you can take action to manage them more effectively.
Establish a Routine: Children thrive on predictability. Set up a consistent daily routine for meals, naps, and bedtime to reduce unexpected changes that can trigger tantrums..
Offer Choices: Give your child some control by offering choices within reasonable limits. For example, let them choose between two outfits or two snack options. This can help them feel more independent and reduce frustration.
Teach and Model Emotion Regulation: Help your child recognize and manage their emotions. Use stories or role-playing to teach them how to cope with frustration, anger, or sadness in constructive ways. Show them how to manage frustration and stress calmly.
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish consistent rules and consequences for behavior. Make sure your child understands the expectations and the consequences of not following them.
Stay Consistent: Consistency is key to preventing tantrums. Stick to the routines and rules you've established, and respond to tantrums consistently to avoid reinforcing the behavior.
When to Talk to Your Doctor
Although tantrums are a normal part of development, it's important to always trust your instincts as a parent or caregiver and seek guidance from healthcare professionals if you notice signs that your child's tantrums might need extra attention. These signs can include:
Frequency and Severity: If your child's tantrums are happening often, lasting a long time, or getting more intense, it might be time to reach out for help. Frequent daily tantrums that just won't let up could be a sign that something needs addressing.
Safety Concerns: When tantrums put your child's safety or the safety of others at risk, it's a red flag. This includes behaviors like self-harm, hurting others, or damaging things around them.
No Improvement with Parenting Strategies: If you've tried various parenting approaches to manage tantrums without success or if things seem to be getting worse, getting professional help is a wise move.
Concerns About Other Developmental Issues: If you have concerns beyond tantrums, like worries about your child's overall development, social skills, or communication abilities, it's essential to share these concerns with a healthcare provider.
Parental Concern and Gut Feeling: As a parent, your instincts matter. If you have a strong feeling that your child's tantrums aren't typical or that something just isn't right, it's worth discussing your concerns with a healthcare provider.
Why Do Tantrums Happen?
There are a variety of reasons why young children have tantrums and many of them are relatable even from an adult perspective:
They Can't Express Themselves: Imagine trying to tell someone what you want, but you don't have the right words. Kids often get frustrated because they can't communicate what they need or feel.
Feeling Overwhelmed: Think about times when noise or stress got to you. For kids, being in a loud, busy place can make them lose their cool. So can feeling hungry, tired, or thirsty!
Attention-Seeking: Sometimes, kids throw tantrums to get your attention. They learn that it works, so they keep doing it.
Testing Boundaries: Kids like to see how far they can push the limits. Tantrums can be their way of figuring out what's okay and what's not.
Change in Routine: Even something as simple as not having their normal breakfast cereal can throw a child off. Big life changes like moving, starting a new school, or a new baby sibling can affect a child’s emotional world.
It can be hard to remember in the moment, but tantrums are often a child’s way of communicating something to you. “All behavior is communication” is a great mantra to keep in mind the next time your little one is upset.
Your Role During a Tantrum
When the inevitable happens, your role during a tantrum is crucial in helping your child navigate their emotions and develop self-regulation skills. Here are some important guidelines for your role during a tantrum:
Stay Calm: It's essential to remain calm and composed, even when faced with a challenging tantrum. Your child takes cues from your behavior, so your calm demeanor can help them feel more secure.
Ensure Safety: Ensure that your child is in a safe environment during the tantrum. Remove any potential hazards or sharp objects from their reach to prevent accidents.
Offer Empathy and Comfort: Acknowledge your child's feelings. Use phrases like, "I see that you're upset" or "I understand that you're frustrated." If your child is open to it, offer physical comfort like a hug or a gentle touch. Physical contact can help provide a sense of security during emotional outbursts.
Avoid Arguing or Reasoning: During a tantrum, a child's emotional brain takes over, making it difficult for them to reason. Avoid engaging in arguments or trying to explain things until they have calmed down.
Maintain Boundaries: While it's important to be empathetic, it's also crucial to maintain boundaries and ensure that your child understands the limits of acceptable behavior.
The key is to be patient and understanding when kids have tantrums. Help them learn better ways to express themselves and manage their emotions as they grow. And remember, all behavior is communication!
Final Thoughts
Helping your child navigate their big emotions and develop crucial social-emotional skills can be trying, but you’re never alone. At Balanced Family Academy we strive to support you and your family through milestones big and small - even the ones that seem impossible to manage. Together, we can blend our knowledge of childhood milestones with the unique needs of your family to help your little one thrive.
